Confessions of a desperate actor with a bad case of island fever.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Focus and ye shall succeed

It's funny how you can come away from some rehearsals feeling like the scene just shat all over you and others like some sort of magical wand has touched the air your walking on. Last night was one of the latter ones. I had moments in my scene when I felt so connected......I know that's a vague term in actor language, but it was as if I finally found the honesty, the bridge between the Jessie and the Belle.....The Belle within the Jessie.....or something like that. We rehearsed the scenes where the Beast saves my life, I dress his wolf wounds, we go on to eat soup, and then he gives me my own library. It was a long night, but a worthwhile one.

I hope tonight is one of the more focused rehearsals, too. I'm just begininng to realise how important it is to "stay in" what your doing the WHOLE time. I've always known this to be a necessity, but applying it 100% now seems vital. I seem to have some form of A.D.D sometimes and our cast is notorious for breaking away and cracking jokes at every opportune it's easy to lose focus sometimes, but when you really get in and commit to it, everything works. I did learn that once upon a time in theatre school, it's the application that needs to stick.

for example, skinnyrabbit and I's infamous 'apple scene'. We were unfocused and awkward.....we are like that in real life anyway, so the scene kinda worked.....but our instructor saw right through it. i cant believe on top of all that, i did the scene in my underwear. no wonder he couldn't stop laughing........

well, here's hoping that tonight's rehearsal of the highly dramatic "transformation and finale" will prove me to be the actor I wish to be.................

but something tells me I won't see her for another 40 years.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Simple pleasures

It has been a pleasant weekend. I was in rehearsal all day saturday and was happy with what we accomplished. We ran the scene where the beast has locked up my father and then I trade my freedom for his and the second time we ran it ever, I completely dropped in. It was weird, i tried to fight back my tears because I didn't want to seem self-indulgent or anything but i was overcome by this despair. And people are still on their scripts and it was still in the blocking process but i couldn't help but let the tears trickle down. I kept saying, "no no, come on, pull it together, this is not the time" and then I thought.....I'm in the scene, and I have to stay in it and let it happen.
It's that line, "you didn't even let me say good-bye. I'll never see him again, and I didn't even get to say good-bye." it really gets me! I was surprised this even happened, but it restored my faith in my ability to access emotion.

then on saturday night, we had a beauty and the beast "getting to know you" party for the cast and crew. Just a sort of social pull-together. I brought my lovah and my girlfriend brought my lovah's lovely gay roomate as her date and we had ourselves a lovely evening. I finally got a chance to have a real conversation with my director and we chatted briefly about my future and what I wanted to do. He was reassuring and gave some useful advice. He told me I should consider moving to london after New York because the demand for american actresses who can perform with an american accent is quite high. Apparently a lot of those british actresses just can't swing the accent much of the time. Interesting.....

After the party we went back to the boys' condo and played scattegories, which was quite a hoot. It was scary how much my lovah and I were thinking alike. At one point we had to think of something you wear beginning with the letter 'A'. My lovah and i both put antlers. hahahahaha.....i adore him.

Then on sunday we woke up and watched "transamerica" which is a fantastic movie and then "the libertine" with johnny depp which wasn't horrible but i wouldn't watch it again.

now it's back to work and that makes me mad. but i'm thankful for a quality weekend.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Today's wish list

I really wish i was in Toronto right now.

I really wish i could see neenia and bedroom prince's new hot pad.

I really wish skinnyrabbit and i were in the same prodution of beauty and the beast.

I wish I hadn't had cookies with my breakfast.

I wish I had some coffee.

I wish steve irwin hadn't been such a menace to wildlife.

I wish I was fluent in another language.

I wish I was in a vocal tutorial with Jeannie Wyse right now.

I wish my lovah was moving to NYC with me.

I wish all people were capable of empathy and unconditional loving.

I wish I had my own theatre company.

I wish I had my own sketch comedy show.

I wish I was in the cast of Avenue Q.

I wish I was dancing Siona Jackson's choreography to Fiona Apple right now.

I wish, i wish, i wish.........i want, i want, i want.....i pursue, i work, i get. some of the time. and that's cool with me.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

no particular title

I ventured into myspace last week and realised I've been neglecting my beloved blogger. you guys are way cooler than those cats on myspace. but it's kinda fun to find people you haven't seen in a while. i'm a little addicted but am hoping it's only a phase...........if you're bored go to

NEway, we have a hurriane headed our way tomorrow. excellent news. remember when i was three days late starting school after that one august break because I was stuck in bermuda with a hurricane?! Goddamn, i went crazy! then i finally made it back to lascelles blvd to my husband, that adorable blonde girl from ancaster, and baby sampson. how cute we all thought that kitten was at that age.......then, as he got older, it was as if he was bitten by a rabid werewolf; he transformed into a frightening beast. still cute, just evil. I remember actually being scared walking around in their apartment, because at any given moment, this fella would attack your ankles. mercy was not in his vocabulary. it still gives me chills.

NEway, we are two weeks into rehearsals for beauty and we have not set a thing. we worked on music and we've done a whole lot of talking and exploring the world we are entering but no staging. we have 4 weeks til showtime and i'm getting very nervous. but our director is so lovely and has already taught me and reminded me of so much. we did excercises and improv work today and it was like going right back into class again. i loved it.

i miss school sometimes. i miss improv....and scene study. hahahahahahaha, skinnyrabbit, remember our apple scene???! what a disaster! aaahhh, the good ol days.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Chapter one, page one....

Here we are: cast, crew, director, musical director, assistants, producers, designers, the lot of us, sitting in a circle, diving into what will be the next 5 weeks of our lives. We are taking the plunge slowly and carefully, with the director making sure everyone is on the same page. We discuss the process, the road's route to opening night and most importantly, what the story is about to us and to our audience.
He's gentle, careful, articulate, but best of all, easily perceived. There is nothing vague or mysterious about what he wants and how he wants this process to be for us. All of us, children and adults alike, listen intently and admirably as we explore the world of the fairy tale.
All fairy tales are metaphors....there is always a deeper meaning than initially meets the ears. Tonight, we were absorbed by the reading of three other fairy tales, and here we were, fixed on finding these connections between them all; the strain of time, the contrasts between dark and light, the power to make huge personal sacrifices to reach your main ambition, and of course, the undying power of love. Much of the time, love or perish.
We have a story to tell, a story many have heard and many know the ending of, but as Aristotle once said,
"The end of the play must be inevitable, but surprising".

Friday, September 01, 2006


Do you ever have those days when you are craving to just know more? More about life, about the world, historical moments, religion, philosophy, what makes you, you??
Im having that kind of day.

I want to know what camels' humps are made of (cartilidge, I presume, but i'm unsure)
I want to know what people in Botswana eat for breakfast
I want to know what the Four Noble Truths are in Buddhism
I want to know how to make the perfect tomato sauce from scratch
I want to know why Catholics still believe in heterosexual marriage only
I want to know why my skin is still breaking out when I'm almost 23 years old!
I want to know why some people drink eight cups of coffee every day
I want to know how to use a bow and arrow
I want to know why black people were slaves and not white people

aaaahhh, my brain keeps ticking with questions........
do you have any answers?