BlabberSplat

Confessions of a desperate actor with a bad case of island fever.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Peace in Dreams

I wake up this morning after a beautiful night's sleep. I don't have these 10 and 1/2 hour, sound-asleep, nights often. No, they are seldom found and it's not normal that i wake up feeling as though I have been visited by angels, gurus and prophets all night, all telling me the same thing.
I slept through the whole night and went through a journey of dreams. The last one that sent me into my waking state went something like this........

Here we are. All of you. All of US who went to school together, back in class. Returning for the so-called 7th and 8th term. The two terms where we all rejoin after a few years of figuring it out. We all reunited in a large studio and began to play. Under the guidance of Darlene we began to let loose, laugh, embrace and smile. The kind of smile you can't wipe off your face. There they were, the same two boys who were always kissing in the hallway, back in their familiar embrace.....there was a particular lady who's favorite song was 'notice me horton' belting out her tune once again. But we were different. We were smarter. We were more mature and we were happy to be there. I, in particular, was ecstatic to be back.
So I wake up and know now what to do. I will go now and finally purchase those improv classes online I've been waiting to see if i can afford. Who cares if it leaves me with a mere $300 in my bank account? Money will come back someday. Nobody is going to kick me out or let me go hungry. I will be responsible, but I also will be responsible for my own happiness.
I will sign up for classes at HB studio in September. I will do what makes me....well, ME.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

yuck

I don't even know what to make of my relationship anymore. what do you do if you don't know how to fix it?
cos i don't.
i'm so lost.
my head hurts and my hands shake.
and all that happens is miscommunication.
word after word, frustration just intensifies until you want to step away.
just to see what it looks like...cos you don't know anymore.
like when you get ready and then step in front of a full-length mirror to check how it all fits together.
but my mirror is all blurry and i think i see a crack.