Confessions of a desperate actor with a bad case of island fever.

Friday, June 29, 2007

24 hours later and I already feel better

So in the last 24 hours i made a new friend whom is now going to be a lifelong friend. She's staying here while my brother and his girlfriend are away. She's friends with them because she's done shows with my brother and has also worked under his girlfriend's direction. So last night we hung out and.....i must say, i haven't had that much fun with another person in a while. we laughed and discovered, instantly, that we have the same sense of humour. she just moved to the city 2 weeks ago to pursue her theater career. hurray for theater friends! we put our silly photos on facebook too.........

also, today at work, i was joking around a whole lot with the other trainers, retelling funny stories and being a little wacky and all of them told me I should be part of an improv/comedy troupe.
I was surprised because I didn't think I was being all that funny. honestly. But it made me feel great....and for the first time since i've been here, I can see it happening. It feels like something i can pursue and fulfill. I have faith and having new funny friends to collaborate with makes me feel that much more excited and secure.

AND on top of this, i got a response from the gym I sent my resume to. They want to meet me asap to discuss my options with them. If i can learn new skills and work a few more hours a week somewhere I will feel so much better. It's days like this that remind me of why I'm here and what I want from this city.

Productivity does come with rewards. and they feel really good.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Making use of my time

I've jumped on the 'be productive in your spare time' band wagon. I hope I don't fall off.

I've been meaning to find a second job to help pay for the bills and I just applied for a position with Dog Walkers NYC (FUN FUN FUN!!!!) and for an internship that leads to work within a small fitness club that's geared toward me learning and teaching new group fitness classes. Including a cardio dance class. Now, I could teach a killer cardio dance class!!! Whatever that may be.

I wonder how many other thousands of people applied for these very two things today. More than I wish to know, I'm sure.

Oh well, the effort counts for something right? At least it eases my mind a bit.


I'm HOT. This city is HOT.

I'm fucking HOT! And when you're this HOT you're not HOTT.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The computer made me do it!

I'm not sure how it happened. I had a long break at work today and nothing else to do. and that computer in the fitness assessment room was looking lonely. I sat down and it started talking to me....taunting me, if you will...."It's tiiiime to geeet facebook, LOOOOSER! Just DO IT already!"

"Leave me alone! Stop it! I already have myspace! Just let me check my e-mail!"

"Do you know how many people are a part of this network? Come on...all your BLOGGER friends do it. Don't you even want to know what it's like? To share that in common?"

"But when will I have the time? The energy?"


"ummm...........well, maybe i'll just have a sneakpeak"

And that was that. Facebook and I became acquainted. I hope we can be civil with one another.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Learn to Wake-up

Unlock your head,
Loosen the rein,
Find your soul,
Find your brain.

Boggle your mind,
Invite confusion.
Persuade perplexity,
Welcome illusion.

Your mind in a muddle,
Your cerebrum in overdrive,
Stop for a minute.......
Feel your thoughts alive.

Be aware of this earth,
Of the other lives.
Parallel breath,
Coincidental cries.

Brainstorm for peace,
Plan for progression,
Just find a way
To fight the regression.

This life lacks empathy,
So find your supply,
Think of our future
Don't let it run dry.

So think long and hard
What can you do?
Educate others but
First Educate You.

Insight is the new intelligence.
Confuse yourself,
Then find Relevance.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Escape to Lovahville

Sorry. But I had a fantastic excuse for not blogging. My lovah was in town.

And it was marvelous. This is because when we are together we are brilliant. And when he leaves, I cry. Every time. I pull myself back together the day after he leaves and then pray that the next 6 weeks apart don't lead to late night arguments and mis-construed text messaging.

I would love it if they could just bottle up this feeling I have right now, these feelings of extreme satisfaction, adoration, security and excitement for the future, and drink it whenever I feel the strain of the distance pulling my insides apart.

I MUST remember this and hold onto it. 2 hours after he arrived, and I couldn't believe the past arguments and hurtful words we had hurled at one another while we were apart. It didn't make sense and I vowed that I loved him far too much for these unnecessary conflicts to arise again.

He's such a good man.....A rare gem in a ransacked cavern.

The more men I meet in this city, the more I appreciate him and everything about him.

*Sigh* Oh lovah........

Sunday, June 10, 2007

But seriously folks....

Since I can only really afford to take one class a week, I can't decide whether to do a music/voice one, an acting one or an improv/comedy one.

Who am I kidding? I desperately need to set the more serious stuff aside for a minute and get silly.

And I intend on coming down with a ferocious case of the sillies every Tuesday night for 3 hours this summer.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Fortunate to be Grateful

I really don't have anything in particular to blog about. Nothing extraordinary or exciting has happened. I haven't made any new revelations. I'm still working a lot.
But.....I have gotten to know some co-workers better. On a deeper level.
One woman I work with whom I get along with swimmingly told me some information about her past that was somewhat devastating. She has three beautiful children and a wonderful husband and for nine years they had lived in a great apartment over in brooklyn. Their super-intendant was like an uncle. Well, one day, her youngest baby got sick. Like really sick. Like he couldn't stand up, couldn't see, was having trouble breathing so she got him to the hospital as quick as she could.
The doctors hooked him up to all kinds of machines....trying to pump this toxic substance out of his system. "What has your son been exposed to??" they kept asking. "I don't know! What do you mean?" Then it dawned on her. That black stuff that kept resurfacing on the walls and windows. The stuff she kept cleaning. Mold. The deadliest kind.
They weren't allowed to even set foot back in that building again. They had been told that every last one of their exposed belongings was toxic and unless they wanted to risk their health/lives everything would have to be left behind.
So that was that. They left nine years of life behind and walked away with the clothes on their backs. Not to mention that now they have to get regular check-ups. The dr.'s even said their children now ran risk of brain damage and being infertile.
Can you imagine?? I can't. I had no idea. And now when her youngest son struggles in school she asks herself, is this a result?
And on the same day I had this conversation with her, I had a talk with one of the guys I work with. he's great. A good guy from virginia. From richmond. Not the safest city in the world. You take one look at him and, because of the way society has labeled people who look like him, you may think 'thug'. He's tatooed all over, he's muscular and he dresses a certain way. I know him and all I see is the guy who gives. The guy who tells it like it is, doesn't put up with shit, but is kind and treats people with the respect they deserve.
But that day we talked and I heard exactly what kind of fucked up shit he's seen and been through. Like when his best friend got shot seven times. Right in front of his face.
Or when his baby brother was pulled out of his house and shot right in front of his mother.
Ok, I usually don't cry when people tell me about the hardships they've been through but I had tears streaming down my face.
It was just so raw. So real.
He was a drug dealer...made shit loads of money. been to jail twice.
But now, it's all in the past. He turned it all around. He's an AMAZING trainer. And he is who he is. and I love that about him.

It's amazing how humbling it is to hear these things.

It doesn't make any sense for me to complain about anything.