Confessions of a desperate actor with a bad case of island fever.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006


BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Anxiety has reached it's peak within me.....and I've discovered I am long overdue for some serious blogging and unloading. I'm like a balloon that has been pumped up with far too much air and if I dont let some of it out, I think I might POP!

What is it??? What is it with me lately?? Am I completely disregarding my abilities as a useful, intelligent human being? Why do I reduce myself to such scum? Ok, no. I don't think I'm scum at all, but I think I'm starting to forget who I am. I'm starting to become part of the grand scheme of things. I don't understand what separates me from the rest nowadays; I'm losing sight of what makes me special.

what makes me shine?

I need some sort of personal renaissance......some kind of artistic rebirth. I need to start rehearsals for this show, NOW!! I need to finish writing my play! I need to learn how to play the guitar so I can put music to the lyrics I've written. I need to share with other artists. I need to talk and learn from the insight of others. I respect myself. I never want to be the girl who's always unhappy. I'm not that person.

Why doesn't my lovah tell me he loves me regularly? I got him to say it last night but that was the first time since.......over a month ago. We talked a little more about how I've been feeling last night and it didn't really get me anywhere. I just heard again, "it's still the summer....let's enjoy our time now"

What I really hear is, "it's still summer. We have 4 more months to be together before it all goes kaput."

You know what's wrong with me? I have been basing all of my self-worth on this relationship. I have no other important focuses in my life right now and I'm letting this relationship define me. I am not half me, half my lovah. I am 100 percent me, and it is me who will define my self-worth. I love my lovah. I don't live for my lovah.

I am "miss independent".

But, it just so happens that I'm, "Miss independent....... in love. But still very much Miss INDEPENDENT"


Blogger skinny-rabbit said...

I went through the same state of what the fuck last summer... waiting for rehearsals for Charlie Brown to starts. And once they started it was the happiest time of my life.

1:25 AM  
Blogger warriorprincesse said...

yeah, being Belle will be amazing. That'll help bring you back to you. And if that doesn't work, fart on your brother.

3:23 AM  

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