This can't be just PMS...

I woke up so entirely unhappy today. I could cry at the drop of a dime......today would be a perfect day for a heartfelt dramatic performance. My emotions are readily accessible and I'm nervous that if I don't get more sleep or some exercise that I might indeed break down. When it finally decides to come out it should last a good half hour or so. It's been some time since I cried so I'm ready and willing.
I think it has a lot to do with my lovah. Again. Im sorry for being so self-involved in my blogs but I suppose that's why writing it provides such an unloading release.
I told my lovah this morning, for real, that I was seriously thinking that January will be my time to fly. I told him that I feel torn but that living here is making me miss out....I truly feel as though something enormously important is missing from my life right now and I have a better chance of finding it elsewhere. However, my time with him is time well-spent and I don't want to give that up.

so his response to this was, "Ok, so do you want to have this conversation now or later?"

and i said, "well, do you have anything to say?"

a few seconds past and all he could say was, "I guess we'll just have to make the most of the time we have together"

"you mean our time until January?"

"yeah, i guess"

WTF???????!!!! Is that it? so we just keep plowing through, whilst being secretly miserable and then just say ciao when i get on the plane? that's it? make the most of it UNTIL?

I don't know if i can do that. This really hurts. My breathing is really shallow. I need more. More intensity, more passionate discussion. More ecstasy. More assurance. More being desired.

More something........