Confessions of a desperate actor with a bad case of island fever.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

What basket do these eggs go in?

I went home for four days. I returned to this HOT, SWELTERING city yesterday and I cried. I felt like I was finally granting freedom to the tears of self-pity. Unnecessary tears maybe, but perhaps vital to preparing myself for the road ahead once more.
I loved being home. I loved being in the arms of my lovah, not having to work, seeing familiar faces and breathing fresh ocean air. I came back and felt like I was going to choke. My life here is not bad, it's just a lot of work and no play/pay. No creative outlets. I now realise why I've been baking so much here. I need to create SOMETHING.

I had a talk with my brother's girlfriend today and she helped me realise that I should allow room in my schedule for the creativity I'm seeking. yes, I write, I bake, I read. I let my imagination run wild but I need something even more practical and hands on. i need those classes I've been postponing. I need those people. Those people a little more like me. I need to be silly and weird and watch others do the same.

I don't want to keep focusing on this one career. What I need is right under my nose, I just need to make the time and do it.

PS I really miss my lovah. I thought leaving each time would get easier, but no. not at all. hurts just as much as the first time.


Blogger skinny-rabbit said...

Would you maybe be more financially stable if you got a new job that doesn't depend on a commission?

12:11 AM  
Blogger warriorprincesse said...

you should talk to Gilbert's Girl about leaving each time.

Also, when I was going through hella depression being all alone here, joining the theatre group made me feel soooooooo much better. we're so lucky, we can feel at home ANYWHERE as long as there's a theatre!

6:55 AM  
Blogger bedroomprince said...

Creativity is important. That's why I thought it a good idea to return to blogging. It's creativity I can share with my friends whom I love so much.

9:07 PM  

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