just obey yourself, damnit!

I think I have a device in my brain that wants to object to everything I set out to do.
I tell myself, for real this time, that I'm going to eat well again and go back to going to the gym 5 days a week.
But what really happens is I eat more and sleep more. No gym.

I think I get a high from defying any kind of proposed structure to my life.

I say, "call you hairdresser and get a haircut for god's sake!"

I look up the number in the phone book, write it down then go to the kitchen to find something to eat. no appointment made.

No vegetables eaten. No gym visited.

WHY?????