Confessions of a desperate actor with a bad case of island fever.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Shock Therapy Candidate

How do you know when it's time to seek professional help for your unhappiness? no, seriously. i am in a constant state of high blood pressure, feeling uneasy, shaky and like my heart is on overdrive. I'm experiencing anxiety attacks and sudden outbursts of unnecessary crying. For the first time in my life, I literally feel psychotic. It's only in matters of lovah-ville when i feel this way but these feelings come about for no reason at all. we'll be getting along just fine but then at a cocktail party he talks to the same girl for a little too long and a little too intensely, and I wanna scream and throw roast ham in his face. How does one justify that? Obviously, I didn't act on those impulses and never will, but I ignored the woman when she tried to talk to me and shot both of them a rather nasty look. WHO AM I????? She's not a threat, she goes out with a friend of his and they've all known each other for much longer than I've been about.

Then last night, I was babysitting for my boss' lovely son and had asked my lovah if he wanted to hang out with us (at least a week beforehand) and he had said he would. I was all excited because I had all these xmas craft ideas planned and we were going to have a good old time. A few hours before I went over he said he would come by......almost 3 hours into my babysitting I still hadn't heard from him. I asked him what he had been doing and he says, oh, just goofing around at home.
"oh, ok.....that's sounds like more fun than hanging out with me" ??????????

I was disappointed and mad. With reason? I'm not sure but I've been upset about it all weekend. childish? Perhaps, but i can't seem to help any of these feelings. I don't like myself, I feel so unstable.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!?!!!! Am I turning into the crazy girlfriend?????????!!!!!!!!


Blogger skinny-rabbit said...

maybe it's all because you know you're leaving and you're kind of trying to self destruct the relationship now so that you have to break up over the long distance thing. maybe. maybe you want to start fresh in new york city.

3:53 AM  
Blogger Neenia said...

maybe you're afraid of your upcoming separation and you're trying to find all these things that are wrong with the relationship so that it's easier to break up when you leave. wait, skinny-rabbit just said that but in different words. so, what he said. *hug*

12:44 PM  
Blogger warriorprincesse said...

I guess you're just following your instincts. Does he get frustrated with you? Does he know you get frustrated?

And keep in mind, he didn't know you were excited about him joining you babysitting. he didn't know what you planned so he didn't know you'd be dissappointed...right?

2:07 AM  
Blogger DancingAntsInMyPants said...

i actually had told him what i had planned and told him it would be a lot of fun. but I'm over it now. I told him i was disappointed and he told me he didn't want the blame for that. meh.

3:02 PM  

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