Impatiently Being Me

It's funny how when u move to a new place and start a new job...well, basically start a new life... you, obviously, have to make a whole new circle of friends. If it weren't for my brother and his girlfriend, I think I would have already turned into that crazy bag-lady on the subway who talks to herself. I actually don't remember a time where I didn't have friends. I mean friends in the same place as me; friends I can call and say 'lets see a movie' or 'let's grab a drink tonight'. 'Now'.

Even when I moved away from home for the very first time it was with one of my best friends. We were inseparable in Toronto and shared the same friends. Then I made my own, she made her own, etc etc. But here I am, with no one to call. I know these things take time.....I do. And in fact, I'd rather take my time getting to know people than jump into any relationships without knowing them well enough yet. It's weird....It's almost like dating. You meet people, you get to know their personality, sense of humour, likes, dislikes and you instinctly know if u want to spend time with them or not. I've met people at work who I've decided I like very much and others who are questionable. Some make me laugh and always make me smile. Some make me uncomfortable. Some have spoken of hanging out, made suggestions for future fun outtings and I wonder impatiently, "WHEN?!" I'm ready to have friends NOW. I'm tired of being overbearing with my lovah because I don't have friends of my own. I'm getting way too needy and that can be a tad(a lot) unhealthy. I need to loosen my grip on this dependancy I have with him so he can go about his business without me needing to know everything....without me getting carried away and questioning his every move on MSN messenger. It's ridiculous. I'M ridiculous. Basically, I think it's time I get a life.

Today was a good day at work though. I had fun with the trainers I work with and as we sat in the staff lounge talking and laughing, one of the guys looked at me and said, very randomly, "You're really pretty". Just like that. Very innocently. People don't tell me that!!? I was like, "who? me?" It was a shock, but very sweet and that silly boost of confidence actually got me through my day just brilliantly.

But at the end of every day, especially the ones that seem to be taking me full-speed, up a one-way street to Misery, USA.....I am thankful. I am lucky. For all that I have. For all that I have been given. When the engine runs low, I think of that and I push. Full-steam ahead.

(ok....i just turned this blog into a big plate of mac & cheese. my apologies.)