Confessions of a desperate actor with a bad case of island fever.

Friday, May 26, 2006

There is no failure in virtue

I cannot bear the thought of failure. In anything. I hang onto relationships even if they are meant to be broken because I feel like if they end, maybe I have failed in some way....that I have done something wrong and that it is indeed a sign of my shortcomings; That i am in some way or another incapable of making someone happy enough for them to make me happy. What is that about?
Again, I'm afraid to put myself out there and really submerge myself in my art because I am haunted by the thought of exposing weakness.....shining light on my flaws. I know I am not perfect and that as a person I have flaws, but i more afraid of failing in my creations.
I want to create art...good art.....but I have a hard time understanding that good work ultimately emerges from not-so-good work. But then again....who's judging?? who are these expert critics who decide what is good and what ultimately stinks?

maybe i'm dwelling too much on the words of oscar wilde....."bad art is a great deal worse than no art at all".................perhaps bad art in his books meant art with no heart. art written by unmoved stiffs.

as long as i'm pouring my heart and integrity into my work it shouldn't matter, right? I should stop wasting my time and just start.

sorry. that really was a blabbersplat.


Blogger skinny-rabbit said...

Um... I'm sorry to break it to you, but when it comes to your art you can do no wrong. Everything you do is golden and I do believe that all your critics agree (except when I told you that in term 2 I thought you were boring). Yes that's right. It's something you'll have to deal with. You are a gifted actress who surpasses greatness. Now go act.

5:13 PM  
Blogger DancingAntsInMyPants said...

Did I pay you to say that?

12:21 PM  
Blogger warriorprincesse said...

WTF Skinny Rabbit, that's exactly what I was going to say!

it's true pants, no failure for you. no pressure or anything. I don't think it's because you try, I think it's because you're not a failure. To Claire-ify, you don't acheive perfection because you strive for it, you just are it.

Well as an artist anyway, I don't know you that well as a relationshipper. That's confusing. I still mourn my past semi loves because it's weird when things die. It does feel like a I'm depressed.

2:57 AM  

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